Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Why We Are Better Talking In The Abstract

When I was little and asked the question that all parents dread, "Where do babies come from?” My mom told me "A boy gives a girl a seed and it grows in her tummy into a baby." That Christmas, I refused to kiss any of my male relatives for fear that one of them would burp a baby seed into my mouth and impregnate me.

A few years later, I saw my dog, Poco, giving the neighbor's dog, Pepper, a 'piggyback ride'. A few months later, Pepper had puppies and my Mom told me it was because of the piggyback ride. So, of course, I refused to give or receive piggyback rides after that.

To avoid another litter of puppies, my mom took Poco to the vet to have him neutered. She explained to me the vet was going to 'cut his balls off' so he won't make babies anymore. She called it 'getting him fixed'. I didn't question her and she didn't offer any more information, end of discussion.

Around that same time, my mom started experiencing 'womanly problems'. She went to see her 'woman doctor' and he told her she needed to have a hysterectomy. About a week before my mom went into the hospital, my mom sat me down and said, "You know Mommy has been having womanly problems, right?" I nodded. "Well, the doctor wants to remove the parts that are giving me problems so I will feel better. But that means I won't have my period anymore and I won't be able to have babies. Do you understand?" I said, "Oh, you are getting fixed liked Poco!"

I think since the first three attempts at talking to me about the birds and the bees had not turned out they way she expected, my mom just gave up. We never talked about sex in anything other than the abstract for the next 30 years.


  1. Is that why you decided to become a "Woman nurse?" So you could get all that education your momma couldn't give you?

  2. I had my naughty neighbor Deanna to help me out. She explained what a boner was on the way to our first day of school in the third grade and kept the lessons up all through grade school. She had a bunch of older brothers! By the time I was in middle school, I had it most of it figured out.