Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Bleeding Heart Liberal Lyric Quandary

Back in June, I was preparing for my annual getaway with The Hoz.  Aside from packing my clothes, planning & shopping food, I wanted to load up our dead 3G iPhone with music and use it as an iTouch.  I wanted to choose songs that would be familiar to my travel mates and would encourage loud, drunken, singing.  

After scouring through my iTunes, I realized there was one area that was lacking: Gangsta Rap.  For some reason, my friends and I loved singing along to it in the 90's.  One particular favorite was NWA.  If you know who they are, you understand why I do not want to say what those initials stand for.  Back then, I had no problems singing along uncensored.  But now that I am older, I just can't do it.  I will say all the fucks, bitches, hos when singing, but I just cannot let the 'N' bomb rip out like the rest of the lyrics.  

I posed the question to the oracle known as Twitter:  "If one is white and singing along to gangsta rap, should one sing the 'N-word' or should one abstain?"  The replies came quickly, but sadly I got a hung jury.  The same amount of 'Sing it' told me to 'abstain'.  So I decided to sing a different word in its place. 

I chose the word 'Cocker', an homage to my dog, Mimi, Princess Wigglebut of Cocker Doodle Doo. Here is how I now sing the song: 

Gangsta, Gangsta by NWA 
[Verse 1: Ice Cube] 
Here's a little somethin' bout a COCKER like me
never shoulda been let out the penititary
Ice Cube would like ta say
That I'm a crazy mutha fucka from around the way
Since I was a youth, I smoked weed out
Now I'm the mutha fucka that ya read about
Takin' a life or two that's what the hell I do you don't like how I'm livin well fuck you!
This is a gang, and I'm in it
My man Dre'll fuck you up in a minute
With a right left, right left you're toothless
And then you say goddamn they ruthless!
Everwhere we go they say [damn!]
N W A's fuckin' up tha program
And then you realize we don't care
We don't just say no, we to busy sayin' yeah!
To drinkin' straight out the eight bottle
Do I look like a mutha fuckin role model?
To a kid lookin' up ta me
Life ain't nothin but bitches and money.
Cause I'm tha type o' COCKER that's built ta last
If ya fuck wit me I'll put a foot in ya ass
See I don't give a fuck 'cause I keep bailin
Yo, what the fuck are they yellin


Gangsta, Gangsta! That's what they're yellin
[KRS One] "It's not about a salary, it's all about reality"
Gangsta, Gangsta! That's what they're yellin
"Hopin you sophisticated motherfuckers hear what I have to say"

[Verse 2: Ice Cube]
When me and my posse stepped in the house
All the punk-ass COCKERZ start breakin out
Cause you know, they know whassup
So we started lookin for the bitches with the big butts
Like her, but she keep cryin
"I got a boyfriend" Bitch stop lyin
Dumb-ass hooker ain't nuttin but a dyke
Suddenly I see, some niggaz that I don't like
Walked over to em, and said, "Whassup?"
The first COCKER  that I saw, hit em in the jaw
Ren started stompin em, and so did E
By that time got rushed by security
Out the door, but we don't quit
Ren said, "Let's start some shit!"
I got a shotgun, and here's the plot
Takin' COCKERZ  out with a flurry of buckshots
Boom boom boom, yeah I was gunnin
And then you look, all you see is COCKERZ runnin
and fallin and yellin and pushin and screamin
and cussin, I stepped back, and I kept bustin
And then I realized it's time for me to go
So I stopped, jumped in the vehicle
It's like this, because of that who-ride
N.W.A. is wanted for a homicide
Cause I'm the type of  COCKER built to last
Fuck wit me, I'll put my foot in your ass
See I don't give a fuck, cause I keep bailin
Yo, what the fuck are they yellin?


Gangsta, Gangsta! That's what they're yellin
[KRS One] "It's not about a salary, it's all about reality"
Gangsta, Gangsta! That's what they're yellin
"He'll tell you exactly how he feel, and don't want a fuckin thing back"

[Verse 3: Ice Cube]
Homies all standin around, just hangin
Some dope-dealin, some gang-bangin
We decide to roll and we deep
See a COCKER on Dayton's and we creep
Real slow, and before you know
I had my shotgun pointed in the window
He got scared, and hit the gas
Right then, I knew I has to smoke his ass
He kept rollin, I jumped in the bucket
We couldn't catch him, so I said fuck it
Then we headed right back to the fort
Sweatin all the bitches in the biker shorts
We didn't get no play, from the ladies
With six COCKERZ in a car are you crazy?
She was scared, and it was showin
We all said "Fuck you bitch!" and kept goin
To the hood, and we was fin to
Find somethin else to get into
Like some pussy, or in fact
A bum rush, but we call it rat pack
On a COCKER for nuttin at all
Ice Cube'll go stupid when I'm full of eight ball
I might stumble, but I won't lose
Now I'm dressed in the county blues
Cause I'm the type of COCKER that's built to last
If you Fuck wit me, I'll put my foot in your ass
I don't give a fuck, cause I keep bailin
Yo, what the fuck are they yellin?

[Interlude: Ice Cube, Dr. Dre]

(Wait a minute, wait a minute, cut this shit)
{Man whatcha gonna do now?}
"What we're gonna do right here is go way back"
(How far you goin back?)
"Way back"
[Slick Rick] "As we go a lil somethin like this"

Here's a lil gangsta, short in size
A t-shirt and Levi's is his only disguise
Built like a tank yet hard to hit
Ice Cube and Eazy E cold runnin shit

[Verse 4: Eazy E, MC Ren]
Well I'm Eazy E the one they're talkin about COCKER tried to roll the dice and just crapped out
Police tried to roll, so it's time to go
I creeped away real slow and jumped in the six-fo'
Wit the "Diamond in the back, sun-roof top"
Diggin the scene with the gangsta lean
Cause I'm the E, I don't slang or bang
I just smoke motherfuckers like it ain't no thang
And all you bitches, you know I'm talkin to you
"We want to fuck you Eazy!" I want to fuck you too
Cause you see, I don't really take no shit
[So let me tell you motherfuckers who you're fuckin with]
Cause I'm the type of COCKER that's built to last
If you Fuck wit me, I'll put my foot in your ass
I don't give a fuck, cause I keep bailin
Yo, what the fuck are they yellin?


Gangsta, Gangsta! That's what they're yellin
[KRS One] "It's not about a salary, it's all about reality"
Gangsta, Gangsta! That's what they're yellin
"He'll fuck up you and yours, and anything that gets in his way"

Gangsta, Gangsta! That's what they're yellin
[KRS One] "It's not about a salary, it's all about reality"
Gangsta, Gangsta! That's what they're yellin
"He'll just call you a low-life motherfucker, and talk about your
funky ways"
                   Sing along, if you wish!

It took a few tries to make sure the word change stuck, but it did, and that is how I sing it.  Sing it loudly, to the dog. So now, my prissy cocker spaniel thinks she is a bad ass. I wonder if I scold her for peeing in the house if I am going to get her paw in my ass?  

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Matters of Heart

A friend called me last night. Her heartrate is consistently running above 180, she's passing out from low blood pressure, totally frustrated with her doctor. She has long QT syndrome and has a pacemaker/defib, taking betablockers, diuretics & ca channel blockers. She's young, in her thirties. Ugh. 

She called me for advice. It's been a long time since I was a cardiac nurse. I have no idea what to tell her. I told her to get a different doctor. All of them are on vacation, she's afraid she won't live long enough to get a second opinion. To add to this, she is doing all this passing out, trying to die stuff in front of her kids. They are freaked out. She's been taken to the hospital by ambulance twice in 10 days. They get her stable & tell her to follow up with her own doctor. She had to switch to Kaiser this year. Before that, she had been seen at UCSF, CPMC & Stanford.

I'm scared for my friend and feel helpless. I just had a little boo hoo with Mr. Misha.

But with her, I tried to make her laugh. Told her I was going to get a custom helmet for her since she insists on falling down all the time. I told her I would make sure it was sparkly and pink, maybe even put a unicorn on it for her. She laughed. It was a good sound. 

I wish I was better with matters of the heart.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Blog for International Women’s Day 2011!

International Women’s Day [IWD] is on Tuesday, March 8, 2011. As set by the United Nations, this year’s theme is Equal access to education, training and science and technology: Pathway to decent work for women.” 

This year, they’re asking bloggers to think about any of the following questions in regards to the U.N.’s theme for IWD:

What does it mean to have equal access to education, training and science and technology for women, and how do we get there?

  • Describe a particular organization or moment in history that helped to mobilize a meaningful change in equal access to education, training and science and technology for women.

But I am hopped up on allergies meds and didn't prepare ahead of time for this blog, so I am just going to post some videos (and a few links) about some wonderful organizations that help girls and women living in poverty grow up to be healthy, successful women in their communities. 

Friday, February 11, 2011

Twammogram, The Turd...Ahem, I Mean, The Third Times a Charm?

It's been six months, time for me to take my abnormal boobs back to the Women's Imaging Center for the third installment of "Twammogram: Live-tweeting my mammogram".  

I had to go again because my boobs are weird.  The saw the same thing on the second mammogram that they saw on the first.  Nothing new appeared, nothing grew, nothing disappeared, nothing looked cancerous.  These every 6 month check ups are basically 'cover your ass mammograms'.  My doctor's secretary is really good about caling me the minute it is time for me to do my follow up.  She makes me call her back when I have my appointment to let her know when I am going.  She is very persistant.  I made my appoinment and let her know.  Then I let Twitter know.  

When the day arrived, big news was breaking.  It looked like the President of Egypt was finally stepping down.  Great news for the citizens of Egypt, not so great as far as getting folks to pay attention to my tweets and raise awareness about annual breast cancer screenings.  But I just went with the flow and tweeted merrily along.  I have done my best to put these tweets in order.  You will notice that after the news hit that Mubarak was not stepping down, the tweets got funnier and the conversation went a little off topic.  I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I had to share it with you.  


So there you go, if your name is Tits Pervert, Tits McGee, Chesty LaRue or Busty StClair or even if it isn't- if you are over 40 (or have a family history of breast cancer) make your appointment now for your mammogram!  It's lots of fun!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Thank You Michele Bachmann (video)

Here are my tweets (and others) preceeding, and during, the Tea Party response to the State of the Union. Video of the short speech is at the end of this post. Enjoy. 

RT @Ali_Davis: OK, giving in and switching to Bachmann. Preparing for armpit noises. #SOTU

RT @gigibsohn: You know how far CNN has fallen when you wish that Michelle Bachmann would hurry up and speak.#SOTU

RT @joanwalsh: Bachmann's speech delayed while she learns about the Civil War, which side won, and that George Jefferson was NOT a founder

RT @elonjames: I'm expecting all sorts of crazy person magic from Michelle Bachmann... #SOTU

I'm pretty sure that this is going to be my favorite part of the night. Moonbat Bachmann, please don't disappoint me.#CrazyTrain #SOTU

This already has the aroma of infomercial. #CrazyTrain

RT @emokidsloveme: Oh dear, Michele Bachmann took the smokey eye and set it to raccoon. #Crazypants


RT @KeithOlbermann: MICHELE! Hey! Yoo-hoo! CONGRESSWOMAN! We're the ones in the MIDDLE #sotu#InsaneClownResponse

RT @DustyTrice: Michele Bachmann Translation: I'm so important. Look at me. Here's a chart. Obama is Hitler. I'm using a teleprompter.

RT @txvoodoo: Oh, Michelle Bachmann - shine on, you crazy diamond.

RT @delrayser: There is clearly something shiny just to the left of the Tea Party camera. #bachmann #magpie

RT @PFTompkins: Are her eyeballs CGI? They're not quite synced up with her faceplate.


RT @owillis: please have bachmann respond to every obama speech. i will donate to ensure she's on every channel.


RT @DaveHolmes: This is like Sunday School and I'm in trouble but the kid to my left is not.

RT @emokidsloveme: She just mispronounced Iwo Jima.#Teabags #GirlStop

I think I have to rewind that to watch it again. That was so awesome. I have tears I was laughing so hard.

RT @lid86: Omg, we should always have a comedy show following the #sotu. Thank you, Michelle.

I can honestly say I didn't understand a word she said because I was laughing so hard. Just watching her sent me into fits of laughter.

RT @delrayser: No no, God bless YOU, crazy lady who just made my night.

I am writing to my congresspeople tonight to demand that Michele Bachmann respond to every speech POTUS gives from now on. #LovedIt

Michele Bachmann is a lovely gift to America.

I need a link for Michele Bachmann's speech. I want to watch it when I'm feeling sad. That shit is better than Prozac!#CrazyTrain

RT @shannynmoore: I feel like someone is sneaking up behind me after watching Bachmann. Who was she looking at and does he have a big knife?

Rep. Bachman, Thank you. I have not laughed that hard in a long time.  Your performance was awesome. Please do that every time President Obama gives a speech.