Friday, September 28, 2012

It's Full Moon Friday!

There is weirdness afoot.  It started off at Weight Watchers this morning, where a senior citizen dropped trow so he could be weighed in all of his SILKY BOXER GLORY! 

Despite not tracking my points and eating poorly, I lost a little bit of weight this week, so I left WW feeling not so bad.  Then my weight Watchers buddy, Stacy and I went to get coffee. Once there, we noticed a couple in Starbucks with us.  

Him- kinda douchey, too much gel in his thinning hair and full of himself, probably late 30's- early 40's. 

Her- HUGE, bulbous, fake boobs, canary yellow lace top and skin tight jeans, both probably straight out of the Frederick's of Hollywood Catalog, probably in her late 40's- early 50's.  

They were glued to one  another, a little too much PDA for morning in the coffee shop. They were making a bit of a spectacle of themselves. Stacy & I were both trying to stifle our giggles at the plastic cougar/douche make out session going on in our little 'bux in the burbs. 

We got our coffee, visited a little and then I went to my car.  Douchey dude is standing behind my car looking at my bumper stickers.  

Him: "I gotta ask, are you a supporter of Obama"? 
Me: "Proudly.  I take it you're not"?  
Him: "No. I was just curious because you have this 'I support perineums' sticker too". 
Me: "That's because I help deliver babies".  
Him: "Oh bless you. You have quite a collection of stickers here". 

I knew what this guy was up to.  I was not having it. I had not even taken a sip of my coffee.  The layers of my caramel macchiato had not even been mixed up yet.  I was not going to let this right-wing-nut-job 'educate' me.  

Me: "There are a few I still have to put on.  I need to apply my 'I stand with Planned Parenthood' sticker, my 'I support Marriage Equality' sticker and my 'I'M A GUN-TOTING LIBERAL DON'T FUCK WITH ME' sticker".  

(I don't really have the last sticker) He looked a little shocked and just mumbled "Have a nice day" and got into his car.  

Based on his drawl, I could tell this dude was a tourist.  I know I am not supposed to fuck with the tourists in town.  Our town's economy depends on them.  But if you are going to stalk my vehicle and then try to start something with me about how you think the president is not a citizen, is a socialist or give me shit about my "Choice" sticker, I am going to make sure you know that I am not going to take any shit from you.  I have a sharp wit, a sharper tongue, a BIG husband, a little gun and a lot of ammo.  DON'T FUCK WITH ME, TEABILLY.