Thursday, March 18, 2010

You Messed With The Wrong Chick, Dude.

You get a little jaded when you work in a bar. When I was 21, I worked in a cowboy bar in a Navy town...I was weary of drunk cowboy/sailor pick up lines about two hours into my first shift. I heard all of the pick up lines; I saw what happened as 2 a.m. neared each night. Because of that, I didn't date customers.  I flirted with them, I was a friend with some, but I did not date them. 

Until I met Dave.  He was shy and very sweet.  He would always ask to take me to breakfast after the bar closed, I usually would refuse.  One night he got some of the other employees to go, so I agreed.  He was a perfect gentleman.  Another night, my mom came into the bar. He met my mom that night and the two of them had quite a conversation while I was working.  When she found out that Dave didn't have anyone to spend Easter with, she invited him (and about a half dozen other sailors) to our house for Easter Dinner.

Dave showed up at the house on Easter with flowers and wine for my mom and an Easter basket, complete with a pink fuzzy stuffed bunny, for me.  Towards the end of the night he asked me out.  He said he had bought tickets to the Grand National Rodeo and would like me to join him.  I agreed. We went to the rodeo. It was a lot of fun and again, he was a perfect gentleman.  He was sweet and when he walked me to my door that night, all he did was ask for a hug goodnight. He called the next day and asked if I would go out to dinner with him and I said yes. 

Our second date was more of the same, his sweet southern drawl and perfect southern gentleman manners.  That night when he walked me to the door, he asked for a kiss.  This went on for a few more weeks and then one night, I when was a little tipsy and we ended up making out on my couch.  That is as far as it went, but I was really starting to fall for this guy.

One night I was working at the bar and Dave came in.  He and his buddies were celebrating something (I don't remember what) and they were pretty drunk.  His friends all wanted to go to another bar, but Dave didn't.  He asked if I could give him a ride home, I said yes.  So when the bar closed, I poured Dave into my VW bug and drove him back to the base.  When we got to his building, I wasn't sure he could navigate the stairs on his own, so I decided to walk him to his room. 

We got to his room and he invited me in.  Drunken Dave wasn't as shy anymore.  He started telling me he loved me, how beautiful I was, etc.  He was laying it on pretty thick.  We kissed a little, and then he had to use the bathroom.  While he was in the bathroom, I went to his desk to freshen up in the mirror.  After giving my hair a quick fluff, I looked down on the desk and saw HIS WEDDING INVITATIONS!  Dave was getting married in two months.  I didn't know what to do.  I was sooooooo pissed.  I decided to play it cool.  When he came out of the bathroom, I told him I had to go home because I had a Chemistry test the next day.  He was a little sad, but let me go with just a hug.

All the way home I was trying to figure out what I was going to do.  I knew I wasn't going to see him anymore, I also knew I wanted him to feel pain.  The next day, I told my friend what had happened.  We plotted and schemed for days.  We decided that Mother's Day was going to be the day.  It was in two weeks, but he had weekend duty the week before that, so it would be the next time I was going to see him. He was supposed to come over for Sunday dinner; we decided that we would hold a surprise bridal shower for him.  What better way to get him than to call him on his shit in front of everyone?  My mom was into it too, she was even making a cake especially for the occasion.

The weekend before Mother's day there was a big car race at Sear's Point, the racetrack by the bar.  I knew I was going to be a busy night, because my section of the bar was full when my shift started.  I jumped right in and started taking drink orders for my customers.  By the time the band started their first set, I had already made over $50.00 in tips. I was a happy girl.  While I was at the bar putting in my drink order, Louise, one of the other cocktail waitresses came up to me and told me that Dave was in her section.  I freaked out.  I had not planned to see him for another week. I didn't think I could stay cool and not tip my hand for a whole night.  

Then a light bulb went off.  I whispered instructions to my friend, she laughed and agreed to my plan.  I sent a note up to the band; the lead singer winked at me and gave me a thumb's up.  My plan was set.

During the band's break, I watched as my fellow cocktail waitress went up to Dave and whispered in his ear what I had told her to say; "Michele didn't expect you to be here tonight.  She thought you had duty.  You need to keep clear of her tonight because her husband is here and he is really jealous."  I saw the color drain from Dave's face.  It felt great.  I then saw him go to the bar and down two double shots of tequila.  I had let my whole section (most of them were regulars) know what was going on.  Anytime Dave tried to get near me, they ran interference for me.  The band started up again and the first song they played was a dedication.  The lead singer said; "One of our waitresses has a request. This song is for a special cowboy who is getting married next month."  Then they started playing "Your Cheatin' Heart".  This sent Dave over the edge. 

He came straight up to the bar and said, "I can't believe you lied to me".  I said; "What do you mean?"  He said; "You didn't tell me you were married!"  I replied: "I am not married Dave, but would it matter if I was? " He looked shocked and said "Well if I say I say no, it makes me sound like an asshole."  I looked him straight in the eye and quietly said: "Dave, you already are an asshole."  I grabbed my tray full of drinks and waked away.

The night continued on.  I was busy, so busy that I didn't really noticed what was going on with Dave.  The story of what he did had circulated around the bar.  People were giving him shit, girls were giving him dirty looks, and some guys were taking pity on him and were buying him shots.  Dave was getting drunk.  So drunk, that he thought somehow "we could work this out".  When the flower lady walked into the bar, Dave bought all of her flowers and had them sent over to me.  I took them and passed them out to all of my customers. 

He kept trying to come talk to me, but Patrick, the wonderful bouncer, kept him out of my section.  Eventually, Dave left the bar and I was free to finish my shift in peace.  After the bar closed, Louise and I walked out together.  There was Dave standing next to my car with a bouquet of roses.  He said, " I can't believe you gave away all those flowers I got for you. I was trying to say I was sorry and you don't even care."  I looked at him and said; " How dare you think that a bunch of roses would make me forget that you are getting married. How dare you think that you could 'work this out" with me.  How dare you think that I would even have anything to do with you after all the shit you've pulled?  Go home Dave, just go home!"  I got into my car and as I started to drive away he said; "What am I supposed to do with these flowers?"  Louise stuck her head out the window and yelled "Send 'em to yer wife!" 

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