Blog for International Women’s Day 2011!

International Women’s Day [IWD] is on Tuesday, March 8, 2011. As set by the United Nations, this year’s theme is “Equal access to education, training and science and technology: Pathway to decent work for women.” 



This year, they’re asking bloggers to think about any of the following questions in regards to the U.N.’s theme for IWD:


What does it mean to have equal access to education, training and science and technology for women, and how do we get there?

• Describe a particular organization or moment in history that helped to mobilize a meaningful change in equal access to education, training and science and technology for women.

But I am hopped up on allergies meds and didn't prepare ahead of time for this blog, so I am just going to post some videos (and a few links) about some wonderful organizations that help girls and women living in poverty grow up to be healthy, successful women in their communities. 

You can learn more about The Girl Effect here.


You can learn more about The International Princess Project (and get some adorable Punjammies) here.


You can learn more about Obstetrical Fistulas and The Worldwide Fistula Project here.

Twammogram, The Turd...Ahem, I Mean, The Third Times a Charm?

It's been six months, time for me to take my abnormal boobs back to the Women's Imaging Center for the third installment of "Twammogram: Live-tweeting my mammogram".  

I had to go again because my boobs are weird.  The saw the same thing on the second mammogram that they saw on the first.  Nothing new appeared, nothing grew, nothing disappeared, nothing looked cancerous.  These every 6 month check ups are basically 'cover your ass mammograms'.  My doctor's secretary is really good about caling me the minute it is time for me to do my follow up.  She makes me call her back when I have my appointment to let her know when I am going.  She is very persistant.  I made my appoinment and let her know.  Then I let Twitter know.  

When the day arrived, big news was breaking.  It looked like the President of Egypt was finally stepping down.  Great news for the citizens of Egypt, not so great as far as getting folks to pay attention to my tweets and raise awareness about annual breast cancer screenings.  But I just went with the flow and tweeted merrily along.  I have done my best to put these tweets in order.  You will notice that after the news hit that Mubarak was not stepping down, the tweets got funnier and the conversation went a little off topic.  I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I had to share it with you.  

FOR SOME REASON BLOGGER ATE THESE IMAGES.  I WILL TRY AND FIND THEM AND REPOST. 

So there you go, if your name is Tits Pervert, Tits McGee, Chesty LaRue or Busty StClair or even if it isn't- if you are over 40 (or have a family history of breast cancer) make your appointment now for your mammogram!  It's lots of fun!

Thank You Michele Bachmann (video)

Here are my tweets (and others) preceeding, and during, the Tea Party response to the State of the Union. Video of the short speech is at the end of this post. Enjoy. 

RT @Ali_Davis: OK, giving in and switching to Bachmann. Preparing for armpit noises. #SOTU

RT @gigibsohn: You know how far CNN has fallen when you wish that Michelle Bachmann would hurry up and speak.#SOTU

RT @joanwalsh: Bachmann's speech delayed while she learns about the Civil War, which side won, and that George Jefferson was NOT a founder

RT @elonjames: I'm expecting all sorts of crazy person magic from Michelle Bachmann... #SOTU

I'm pretty sure that this is going to be my favorite part of the night. Moonbat Bachmann, please don't disappoint me.#CrazyTrain #SOTU

This already has the aroma of infomercial. #CrazyTrain

RT @emokidsloveme: Oh dear, Michele Bachmann took the smokey eye and set it to raccoon. #Crazypants

CHARTS! GRAPHS! CRAZYPANTS! #ShadesofPerot

RT @KeithOlbermann: MICHELE! Hey! Yoo-hoo! CONGRESSWOMAN! We're the ones in the MIDDLE #sotu#InsaneClownResponse

RT @DustyTrice: Michele Bachmann Translation: I'm so important. Look at me. Here's a chart. Obama is Hitler. I'm using a teleprompter.

RT @txvoodoo: Oh, Michelle Bachmann - shine on, you crazy diamond.

RT @delrayser: There is clearly something shiny just to the left of the Tea Party camera. #bachmann #magpie

RT @PFTompkins: Are her eyeballs CGI? They're not quite synced up with her faceplate.

I CAN'T STOP FUCKING LAUGHING. I'M LAUGHING SO HARD THE DOGS ARE HOWLING! OMG!

RT @owillis: please have bachmann respond to every obama speech. i will donate to ensure she's on every channel.

YOU GUYS I AM LAUGHING SO HARD. I CANNOT STOP. SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE HER STOP. IT HURTS.

RT @DaveHolmes: This is like Sunday School and I'm in trouble but the kid to my left is not.

RT @emokidsloveme: She just mispronounced Iwo Jima.#Teabags #GirlStop

I think I have to rewind that to watch it again. That was so awesome. I have tears I was laughing so hard.

RT @lid86: Omg, we should always have a comedy show following the #sotu. Thank you, Michelle.

I can honestly say I didn't understand a word she said because I was laughing so hard. Just watching her sent me into fits of laughter.

RT @delrayser: No no, God bless YOU, crazy lady who just made my night.

I am writing to my congresspeople tonight to demand that Michele Bachmann respond to every speech POTUS gives from now on. #LovedIt

Michele Bachmann is a lovely gift to America.

I need a link for Michele Bachmann's speech. I want to watch it when I'm feeling sad. That shit is better than Prozac!#CrazyTrain

RT @shannynmoore: I feel like someone is sneaking up behind me after watching Bachmann. Who was she looking at and does he have a big knife?

Rep. Bachman, Thank you. I have not laughed that hard in a long time.  Your performance was awesome. Please do that every time President Obama gives a speech. 

Blog for Choice 2011

The question posed for this years Blog for Choice is: 




Given the anti-choice gains in the states and Congress, are you concerned about choice in 2011? 




My quick response is "Yes I am!  You should be too!" 









House Republicans Frantically Race to Restrict Abortion


15% of Large Abortion Providers Have Received a Bomb Threat



Decline in Abortions Appears Stalled but Protests Rise



Anti-Abortion Nut Randall Terry Met with John Boehner's Chief of Staff



Randall Terry Will Use Hate Speech to Challenge Obama in 2012



Initial Assaults on Abortion Rights in 2011



The DYI Abortion

Just one vowel.

Look at that face.  It barely has a nose.  That face makes a lot of noise.  We call those noises, snarfles.  I had never had a Pug before The Bean.  I had no idea what to expect.  I certainly didn't expect all of the licking.  The snoring.  The odd noises that come out of this sweet little dog.  She makes me smile and laugh every day.


One night, I took the pug and the cocker spaniel to Mr. Misha's band practice. The band practices by themselves during the week, but on the weekends, friends, families, kids and a dogs all gather at The Shop.  A potluck is set up, a fire is started outside in the fire pit.  The kids and dogs run through the vineyards.  The adults drink wine and visit.  The band plays.  It is quite lovely.


Because my schedule is so screwy, I don't usually make it to practice.  The dogs have never been.  But the drummer of the band made a specific request that I bring the pug, so I got us all ready and we hit the road.  I took my BFF Deb with me and as I drove up, my Mom showed up with her dog.  Two of my co-workers were there with their kids.  One of them brought her Great Dane.  It looked like it was going to be a blast.


The Cocker Spaniel got so very excited to see her Daddy on stage, that she raced across the room and bounded up on stage.  I couldn't keep her off.  She had to be put on a leash.  When we would step outside the building, I would take her off the leash and the girls would race through the vineyards, sniffing around and enjoying the wide open space.  During one of the band breaks, just before the sun went down, one of the band wives came up to me and said, "Come with us, we are going to go see the piglets."  Ok!


Two weekends before, all the 4-H kids in Napa picked out their pigs.  They care for them through the spring and summer and then take them to the Napa Town and Country Fair at the end of the summer to show them and then auction them off. The piglets are so cute at that age, still relatively small and curious.  So I grabbed my mom and trodded off to the pig pen with about a dozen kids and all the dogs.


My mom's Jack Russell and my Cocker Spaniel just wanted to run.  They took a few sniffs and then it was back to the vineyards to race around.  But the pug was in love.  A pen filled with little beasts, around her size, with flat noses and making similar sounds!  I pretty sure in her brain she was saying, "I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE!"  She shoved her head completely through the opening in the fence and got snout to snout with a little black pig.  They snarfled, sniffed and snorted.  Both were wagging their curly tails.


I heard the band starting up again and turned to head back.  The Pug wouldn't budge.  She wanted to stay with the pigs.  I had to pick her up to get her out of the pig pen.  It was hysterical.  She whined (it almost sounded like a pig squeal) all the way back to the barn.  While we were talking about the Pugs reaction to the piglets, one of the kids came up and said, "Maybe it's because their names are so close?  It's just one vowel difference between a pig and a pug!"

It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You!

This week, I started mentoring a nursing student.  She is in the last few weeks of nursing school & as part of her training she will spend two months with me birthin' babies.  It could be a coincidence, but the minute she started her preceptorship, all Hell has broken loose at the baby birthin' factory.  It has been extremely busy.  It has been extremely challenging.  I can't go into details because of privacy laws, but this has been the most physically and emotionally draining week of baby birthin' I've had in years.




As we sat at the computer, two hours after our shift had ended, catching up on our charting, I looked at her and said, "This is all your doing.  Things were nice and mellow here, then you came and the dam broke!  Are you trying to kill me or get me to quit so you can have my job when you graduate?"  She grinned and replied, "You found me out.  You figured out my evil plan."  Then she grinned.


I adore her!

A Plethora of Updates (Mostly boob-related)

  Dress Quest 9/11


Thanks to everyone for the fashion advise.  I ended up purchasing the two most popular dresses.  I wore one to the rehearsal dinner and the other to the wedding.  I didn't get any real good full length photos of myself with either of my my dresses, but I am waiting to see the photos that other folks have taken and will post them if they are not too embarrassing.

Rehearsal dinner dress with the awesome ten buck kitten-heeled sandals! 

Dress for the wedding with pink kitten-heeled slides. 

Unfortunate and freakish self portrait. 

Twammogram Redux

I got the results of my follow up mammogram.  Not much different than last time.  Basically, the radiology report read like this:  

This chick's boobs are huge.  It's really hard to see everything because these boobs are gigantic.  Every once in a while I can see some teeny tiny abnormality.  These abnormalities do not look like cancer and they haven't changed since last time. But I need to cover my ass, so I am going to make this poor woman haul her incredibly large titties into the women's center every six months for the rest of her life. The End. 

So I guess I will be doing this bi-annually.  I will live-tweet, blog, video, take pics as much of it as I can. If I have to do this, I am taking you all with me. 

Knitting

I have been knitting again.  I have been knitting baby hats for friends and coworkers who have recently popped out a child.  My favorite hat has to be the 'Boobie Beanie'.  I made one for my hair stylist's little girl. I posted pics on Facebook.  

I realize that this areola is HUGE. 

                                                 

The suggestion was made that I accessorize the hat.   

I took the ring off prior to wrapping it up as a baby gift. 

                                              

Then I started to make a second one for an older infant of a coworker.  I either lost count of my stitches or screwed up the gauge, because after it was finished, I realized it was way too big.  So I stuck it on Mr. Misha! 

Areola much smaller this time.  Mr. Misha is such a good sport.

Since finishing those two, I have had many requests to make more- for both babies and adults!  I will be knitting up a storm this fall!

That is all the updates I have for now.  I have a few blog post ideas in my noggin.  I am hoping to try and post something here at least once a week till the end of the year.  Let's see how well I do at that!

                                                 

This Is What A (Somewhat) Young Feminist Looks Like

This post is one of 37 submissions in the ‘This is What a Young Feminist Looks Like’ blog carnival. Head over to our host, Fair and Feminist, for a list of participating blogs.








The California Nurses Association is trying to unionize the hospital where I work.  Each night, they take over a conference room, set out some food, candy and union literature for the nurses. They sit there, answering nurses questions and responding to claims made by anti-union nurses and hospital administration.




I always make sure to think of a question to ask them when I get there.  I figure that it is the least I could do since they are feeding me for free almost every night.  The other night, it was crazy busy in labor and delivery.  I didn't think I would be able to make it down there because my patient was so unstable.  Other nurses returned from the conference room with a message from the CNA representatives, "Misha, they were asking about you down there.  They said they missed you and were saving some orange chicken for you!"  I got my patient straightened out and found a nurse to watch her for a few minutes.


As soon as I made my way into the room, I was greeted with a loud, "MISHA!" I signed the sign-in sheet, I introduced my co-worker to the CNA reps, I  asked my question and started to make myself a plate.  While I spooned some rice onto my plate, a member of the CNA board of directors said, "Misha, we are having a rally tomorrow in Sacramento to celebrate and honor the suffragettes.  Are you going to attend?"  I explained that as much as I would love to attend, I was working and had babies to birth, but I would be there in spirit.  It was then, that a nurse asked "What is a suffragette?"  I tried to wipe the shocked look off my face.  How could anyone not know about the anniversary of Women's Suffrage? I explained that the 90th anniversary of women getting the right to vote was this week.  I explained that the suffragettes were the women who fought bravely for that right.  She was amazed that women had not been voting since the beginning of the United States.  I wonder if this nurse is what the older feminists have in mind when they claim that there are no young feminists?


That nurse is the exception.  I'd point that older feminist to the young women who fight for abortion rights every day.  I'd tell her to take a look at women fighting for the right to breastfeed publicly.  I show her the scores of women in this country who are standing up for their right to give birth in the manner of their choosing.  I'd introduce her to my Goddaughter who, at the young age of 6, tells everyone that she is going to be a US Marine and 'A Girl President'.  I'd have her look at Chelsea Baker.  Young feminists are everywhere.  Today's feminism is has many facets.  Not every feminist is wearing a shirt that reads, 'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle' whilst burning her bra.  Some of them are wearing baseball cleats and throwing knuckleballs.  Others are wearing nursing bras and demonstrating at a local store.  A few are nude, in an inflatable tub, giving birth to the next generation of young feminists.  Some of us are blogging, tweeting and Facebooking for equality.  We are out there, fighting the fight for women everywhere.  I am one of them.  This is what a (somewhat) young feminist looks like:

Twammogram Redux

I finally went & had my repeat mammogram.  I was supposed to get it 4 months ago, but I kept playing phone tag with the central scheduling department at the hospital.  Eventually, I got an appointment and I live tweeted the procedure again.








But to be honest, I couldn't really tweet during the actual boob shoot for a variety of reasons.


#1) I could tell with one look that the mammographer did not have a sense of fun and humor.


#2) This time, I was required to put myself in all sorts of pretzel-like positions for each shot.


#3) It hurt this time and I was too busy doing my baby birthin' breathing to tweet or take pics.




So here are a selection of Twammogram tweets from yesterday, along with some commentary.

I got a quick response that my choices of afflictions to get purple swag were: Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Lupus, Prostate Cancer, Arthritis, Alzheimer's and at one hospital- heart disease. 

Okay, so the chic doing the mammogram looked like a blond version of Sarah Palin.  It only took a few minutes of casual conversation and I could tell that her politics were similar to the half-governor's.  I kept my mouth shut out of fear.  I was afraid if she found out what a pinko-lefty-French-loving-arugula-munching-latte-sippin'-chardonnay-chuggin'-secret-muslim she had in the room, she'd tighten the vice grip on my breasts.

 

 

Despite keeping my political leanings to myself, it was still an uncomfortable procedure this time.  Last time was a breeze.  I guess for a follow up they get more shots and certain positions, because the lady was yanking on my nipples and floppin' my boobs around like they weren't attached to me.  OUCHIE!  

  

  

I loved the tweets of support and jokes from my Breast Friends on Twitter.  Laughter really is the best medicine.  I read all of them out loud as Mr. Misha and I drove home.  His comment was "I'm glad you made such good friends that you can twatter about your boobs with."  I have to say, I am glad too.  Thanks to all of you.


I should have the results in 10 to 14 days.  I'll be sure to keep you guys abreast (HA!) of the situation.

Dress Quest 911

I need help.  I am trying to find something to wear to a semi-hipster/computer nerd wedding on September 11th.  It is going to be hot as Hades.  I need to be comfortable.  I also have ginormous boobs (which I like), T-Rex arms (which I don't like) and freakishly white legs which I refuse to put in a pair of pantyhose in fucking September. 

I hate shopping.  I hate leaving my house to go to the mall.  So, I enlisted the help of my gal pals on twitter. Despite busy lives of their own, they sent me link after link, helping me find a dress.  They knew there were concerns about 'Boob Security/Safety'.  Strapless and asymmetrical looks were cast aside in favor of 'Boob Lockdown'.  They even came up with a title for this adventure, and this blog post.  

Here are the finalists for DRESS QUEST 911:

#1) This little dress would be nice because I most definitely could wear it
again. It's a bit fancy, but if I wear it without hose and with strappy
sandals, I think it would be okay.  I have a little black shrug to
cover up my T-Rex arms.

#2) Same as above as far as accessories, but I like that this has a
splash of color.  Probably a little more casual, therefore
more wearable for me.

#3) Same accessories as above.  Love this because it is
PURPLE and longer.  Worried about the straps,
they seem skimpy.

#4) Love this!  It's purple!  It has sleeves, no need for
 the shrug.  Looks super comfortable.
Here is a shot of the back. 

#5) Love this!  It's twirlable. Looks like it'd be slimming.
No need for the shrug. Worried about my bra options.   

#6) Looks a lot like #1, but it's PURPLE. I would have to
purchase a different shrug to go with this one.  But I think it
would be slimming.  It looks twirlable.  Super feminine. 

So tell me what you guys think?  Which dress do you think I should get? Should I go for the dresses with the sleeves and forgo the shrug?  Should I throw caution to the wind and get the paisley-ish maxi dress?  How much double stick tape will I need to keep my boobs in these dresses?  Please vote in the comments and help me make this decision!