Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Dress Quest 911

I need help.  I am trying to find something to wear to a semi-hipster/computer nerd wedding on September 11th.  It is going to be hot as Hades.  I need to be comfortable.  I also have ginormous boobs (which I like), T-Rex arms (which I don't like) and freakishly white legs which I refuse to put in a pair of pantyhose in fucking September. 

I hate shopping.  I hate leaving my house to go to the mall.  So, I enlisted the help of my gal pals on twitter. Despite busy lives of their own, they sent me link after link, helping me find a dress.  They knew there were concerns about 'Boob Security/Safety'.  Strapless and asymmetrical looks were cast aside in favor of 'Boob Lockdown'.  They even came up with a title for this adventure, and this blog post.  

Here are the finalists for DRESS QUEST 911:

#1) This little dress would be nice because I most definitely could wear it
again. It's a bit fancy, but if I wear it without hose and with strappy
sandals, I think it would be okay.  I have a little black shrug to
cover up my T-Rex arms.

#2) Same as above as far as accessories, but I like that this has a
splash of color.  Probably a little more casual, therefore
more wearable for me.

#3) Same accessories as above.  Love this because it is
PURPLE and longer.  Worried about the straps,
they seem skimpy.

#4) Love this!  It's purple!  It has sleeves, no need for
 the shrug.  Looks super comfortable.
Here is a shot of the back. 

#5) Love this!  It's twirlable. Looks like it'd be slimming.
No need for the shrug. Worried about my bra options.   

#6) Looks a lot like #1, but it's PURPLE. I would have to
purchase a different shrug to go with this one.  But I think it
would be slimming.  It looks twirlable.  Super feminine. 

So tell me what you guys think?  Which dress do you think I should get? Should I go for the dresses with the sleeves and forgo the shrug?  Should I throw caution to the wind and get the paisley-ish maxi dress?  How much double stick tape will I need to keep my boobs in these dresses?  Please vote in the comments and help me make this decision!  


  1. #5+ a bra like this http://www.lanebryant.com/dresses-skirts/dresses/bra6-convertible-plunge-bra/4031c13873p25865/index.pro (up to 44DDD)

  2. i'd go with the second one..good straps..good length some color but goes w black..nice draping and still swirly

  3. I like #1 and #6 - both are gorgeous, will support the girls and look awesome on you!

  4. Sorry, unless the wedding party involves watching the Sharks play, black and teal cannot be worn together. For the love of god.

    Having bona fides as both hipster and computer nerd, I put my support squarely behind 3. It would be more than hipster acceptable to wear a supportive foundation in black for the girls with this dress, in fact, it's hip to have the bra straps showing with the skimpy top. I love the asymmetry of the top, the two sides are not matchy-matchy. Empire waists with gathers beneath flatter EVERYONE.

    I also love 4, it does look super-comfortable, and it's lovely, front and back.

    6 would be my second choice, after 3. The colors are gorgeous.

    Unless there will be Sharks, in which case, definitely 5.

  5. As a guy ...

    The seventies called. They said if you send dress #3 back they're never speaking to you again. Ankle-length? Puh-lease. And it looks like a persian rug.

    The only real choice here is #6. It's purple. The length is gorgeous. You will look stunning in it. Also keep in mind: a) Your "T-Rex arms" aren't as bad as you think. 2) in that dress, everyone will be staring at the girls. No one will even notice that you HAVE arms. Trust me. You could put your arms on backwards and no one will notice except the catty women who will be shredding you behind your back because they want your girls anyway.

  6. Go with #5 or #6... I can't decide.

    Now I'm panicking about a September wedding *I* have to find a dress for. I've been in denial. Where did you find these?

  7. Love #5. Also love #1, and #6. #3, not so much.

  8. 4 or 5. And please let me know where all can be found, as I am interested in them! The black one is dressier and you'd probably get more use out of it, but the bra issue is challenging. The floaty purple one seems very you.

  9. Here are the links to the places I found these dresses!

  10. #1 or #6! And I think the purple is more fun than the black, but the black is very versatile. But I think I'm leaning toward the purple. It's perfect for a wedding. Good luck with the decision!

  11. 4 and 6 say yes to me. I love the thought of you in purple! This is Lauren, btw.

  12. 4 or 5. i love the thought of you in purple. gorgeous!

    This is Lauren, btw.

  13. #4 is totally one I'd buy- love it! Plus I think you'd wear it again after the wedding.

    That's my .02

  14. Number 4 or 6.... you hot babe!!!!