Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Perimenopausal Maturity

So my friend, Mrs. Pirate, was in a meeting.  I knew she was there, so I decided to send her a text to make her laugh inappropriately.  

Me:  I think I may be becoming possessed. 

Me:  I just farted and it smelled like sulfur.

Me:  Like a match striking.  

Me: Not like an egg.  

An hour later…

Mrs. Pirate:  I love that you send these to me when I am in a meeting. 

Me: Was it a fun meeting?

Mrs. Pirate: Asshole.

Me:  You love me. 

Mrs. Pirate:  And you me.  That is why I can call you an asshole. 

Mrs. Pirate:  Actually, not too shabby. 

Me:  Did you sing songs and make crafts? 

Mrs. Pirate:  We sang campfire songs and made God's eyes. 

Me:  Hahahahahaha!  I just peed!

Mrs. Pirate: Oh good.  My work is worthy.  

Me:  Like these?  


Mrs. Pirate: BY THE GREAT RED EYE OF HORUS!  ala Ron Burgundy!  

Me:  Everything ends up being about Ron Burgundy or boobs or vaginas.  

Mrs. Pirate:  Or Ballz.  Or Sacs.  Or Cock.  

Me:  Oh!  How could I forget about the scroat or the cock?  I am falling down on my job.  

Mrs. Pirate:  We are super mature. 

Me:  This kind of humor takes time to develop.  It's very mature. 

Mrs. Pirate:  Aged, really. 

Me: Like a fine fucking wine.  DRINK IN OUR HUMOR BITCHES!  

Mrs. Pirate:  Suck it down. 

Mrs. Pirate:  Ok, dirty.  

Me:  Indeed.  I gave it a full-throated chortle.  Also dirty.  

Mrs. Pirate:  We should get paid for this.  

Me:  We really should. Comedic Super Geniuses!  

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