Conversation I had the other day:
J: The principal called me today. The kid refused to change his seat when the bus driver told him.
Me: Did he do it with flourish? Like, "I WILL NOT CHANGE MY SEAT! THIS IS AMERICA! WHERE IN THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE DOES IT SAY WE HAVE TO CHANGE OUR SEATS?"
J: No. He said "Why do I have to change seats? Why doesn't (the other kid)?"
Me: Of course he did. He gave the same asshole answer you would have given. You are a horrible American. What kind of asshole America-hating kid are you raising?
J: I know. You and Mr. Misha should totally get yourselves a kid.
Me: Yeah, I'll just pick one up. They just have 'em laying around all over the place nowadays.
J: I'm not going to tell his dad. He'll overreact. I'm going to tell the kid, "I'm not telling dad, but if you piss me off…"
Me: No, you should dress up in rollers, a flannel nightie and slippers. Then tell him, "If you get in trouble with the bus driver again, I'm going to drive you to school dressed like this. Then I'm going to walk you to your classroom door, kiss you on the lips and yell I LOVE YOU SON really loud, every day."
J: You really need a kid.
LATER, via text
J: Do you think I'm enabling my kid if I say to him "Yeah, mommy knows the bus driver is an asshole"?
Me: No. But you should add, "But a lot of people in power are assholes and you have to learn how to get along with them".
J: His last bus driver was great. She loved the kids, but didn't take any shit from them. They behaved for her. This guy hates kids, hates his job.
Me: Also add, "That is why you need to behave in school, so you can get a good job and not end up as a bitter, asshole bus driver".
Me: I'm probably not the best person to give parenting advice.
J: I am laughing my ass off right now.