Sunday, August 24, 2008

Another Conversation With My Mom.

I sent my mom a copy of this picture.

She called me as soon as she read the email and told me she loved it.

She said, "How nice it is to have such a clever husband that can do such clever things. Are you going to send it to Barack Obama?"

I told her I thought he was a little busy right now to appreciate Mr. Misha's photoshop skills. She then told me she was going to show it to my Uncle John. I groaned and said "Why?" I really didn't want a late night phone call from my redneck uncle giving me shit about my politics.

She said, "Don't worry. He's all Democrat now. He said the other day that he was making more money and having more fun when the President was getting blowjobs in the oval office. Now that there is some retard from Texas in there shooting his mouth off and blowing countries up, his business has not been as good."

I laughed and replied, "Yeah, blow jobs aren't usually lethal, are they?"

My mom replied, "Nope. Good thing, since people are just going around sucking dicks like they are just shaking hands nowadays."

"Really?" I replied. I wondered what kind of crowd my mom was hanging out with these days. "So does Miss Manners have a book out on proper blow job etiquette now?"

"Well, I don't know if there is a book. But I know that people are doing it all the time now."

I started to tease her a bit and said, "So in China or Japan, instead of bowing to each other, do you think they are blowing each other?"

"I don't know about over there, but here...well, they say that here everyone is blowing everybody."

"Mom, that must be what Paul is doing wrong in his job interviews. He should be putting penises in his mouth instead of shaking hands. I'll tell him you said he should be blowing perspective employers."

"Michele! I did not say that. That is not for boys. Boys don't give blow jobs, girls do."

"What about Aunt Jon and Uncle Tom?"

"That's different."

"I am going to tell Paul you want him to give blow jobs."

"Don't you dare."

"I am. I am going to tell him right now."

"Michele Marie! Do not tell your husband we were talking about oral sex."

"Mom, I am gonna tell him and then I am going to write about it. Everyone will know that you were talking about blow jobs."

"Well, just make it clear that I only TALK about them."

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