Tuesday, May 22, 2007

How Paul Became Mr. Misha.

Okay, so there have been some requests to hear how Paul became Mr. Misha. I wish I could find our emails that we exchanged...they are truly hysterical. But alas, after transferring my documents from computer to computer over the years and also going from PC to Mac...some stuff has been lost. I will try and do my best to give you a taste of what transpired. Here goes:

I was cruising around match.com looking for my future husband. The pickings were a little slim within a 50-mile radius of Napa. So, I widened my search. On the list, was a guy with the display name of "Pete Moss". He had a devilish grin and his quote was something like "my mama raised me right". I read his profile and thought, "This guy has potential.” Match.com had just come out with this new thing called a wink. You could wink at someone and let him or her know that you were interested in him or her. It is a way to communicate your interest without composing a witty email. 

So I winked at "Pete Moss".

I expected him to email back or ignore it. Paul didn't email me- instead he winked back. What I didn't know is that it was 4 days after payday and Paul was broke. Paul will tell you himself, he is the richest man in the world for the first three days after payday and the poorest for the next ten. I was a day late. I was a little annoyed; I had just worked 4 nights in a row and wasn't feeling particularly witty. He was forcing my hand. So I wrote back and called him a stinker.

While I was calling him a stinker, Paul was trying to borrow enough money to renew his lapsed membership. 

Paul found the money and wrote me back. He wrote that he had done some Internet searching and found out that I had witnessed "a whacking in Cotati". He wrote that I would be going into the witness protection program, would soon be taken to a desert island and the FBI needed some information on my likes and dislikes to make my stay more comfortable.

I can't remember all of the questions, but here are some: 

10 favorite movies, 

10 favorite TV shows,

10 favorite books,

10 favorite albums, 10 favorite foods. I wrote back and explained to him that when I was in Cotati, I was a drunk bridesmaid and that I was rolling around on the pool table with the bride, reenacting the "Like a Virgin" video. I could barely remember the name of the groom the next day, let alone testify about a whacking. I went ahead and answered his questions. I found out later that he was a little hesitant to continue corresponding with me, because I was "A Reader". 

We emailed back and forth for about a week and then progressed to telephone calls. He was cracking me up. I was really digging him. We finally agreed to meet and he volunteered to come up to Napa for our date. 

I was house sitting for a nurse colleague of mine. So, I felt pretty safe having him come to HER house.

I had my chaperone all set up but Paul foiled my plan. He was FOUR HOURS LATE! He kept emailing and messaging me to let me know he was going to get there eventually. 

When he finally arrived, all forlorn and apologetic, I couldn't find a chaperone. So, I risked it and went out to dinner with him.

He seemed nice, but he wouldn't look me in the eye. He kept averting his eyes when he would talk with me. I didn't know what was up. I thought maybe he was trying not to stare at my chest. 

After dinner, we went back to the house. We sat in the living room and talked, for hours. Paul fell asleep, mid sentence, around 4 a.m. I woke him up and put him in the spare bedroom. There was no way he could drive back to San Jose. I went to the master bedroom, locked the door and went to sleep. 

About 6 hours later, I hear a knock at the door. It is Paul, with coffee and donuts. So, we sit out in the backyard, drinking coffee, eating donuts and smoking' cigarettes. His phone rings, it is his mom. She asks him how his date went. He tells her "I am still on it, Mom". He then holds the phone so I can hear her reply...in her thick Polish accent she says, "Pawel, you were gentleman, yes?” I almost snorted coffee out my nose. Paul reassures his mother that he was a gentleman and slept in the spare room. Paul tells his mother he will call her later and hangs up. 

We spent about 4 more hours together. We drove to the house his parents owned in Napa when he was born. He made fun of my laptop and tried to make it run faster. He still never looked me in the eye.

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