Me: I think I may be becoming possessed.
Me: I just farted and it smelled like sulfur.
Me: Like a match striking.
Me: Not like an egg.
An hour later…
Mrs. Pirate: I love that you send these to me when I am in a meeting.
Me: Was it a fun meeting?
Mrs. Pirate: Asshole.
Me: You love me.
Mrs. Pirate: And you me. That is why I can call you an asshole.
Mrs. Pirate: Actually, not too shabby.
Me: Did you sing songs and make crafts?
Mrs. Pirate: We sang campfire songs and made God's eyes.
Me: Hahahahahaha! I just peed!
Mrs. Pirate: Oh good. My work is worthy.
Me: Like these?
Me: EYE OF HORUS!
Mrs. Pirate: BY THE GREAT RED EYE OF HORUS! ala Ron Burgundy!
Me: Everything ends up being about Ron Burgundy or boobs or vaginas.
Mrs. Pirate: Or Ballz. Or Sacs. Or Cock.
Me: Oh! How could I forget about the scroat or the cock? I am falling down on my job.
Mrs. Pirate: We are super mature.
Me: This kind of humor takes time to develop. It's very mature.
Mrs. Pirate: Aged, really.
Me: Like a fine fucking wine. DRINK IN OUR HUMOR BITCHES!
Mrs. Pirate: Suck it down.
Mrs. Pirate: Ok, dirty.
Me: Indeed. I gave it a full-throated chortle. Also dirty.
Mrs. Pirate: We should get paid for this.
Me: We really should. Comedic Super Geniuses!